Wednesday, September 29, 2021

MY TRUE SELF

The day just as calm as my inner self,
I am no more the unnecessary excited person
of last couple of decades
Emotional dependency has tumbled
the urge to pick up phones and gossip is more dormant.


Less barriers for flexibility to climb in day to day life
Being in the moment does occur in one digit number in a day
Nagging does not try it's practice while watching sports on television with hubby
No rush to complete tasks just to mark off tick list in the head.
Frivolous over thinking and mindless languishing does escape my attention
Still nascent though in terms of remembering names of  books read  and personalities


Yet, on some days my brooding nature unabashedly transfixes
every moment seems to be slipping away
and I feel utterly inadequate.
My body and mind seem borrowed then
and a desperate urge arises to return the loaned parts.
Days when meditation, journaling, seem vestigial
nagging body pains cling endlessly
and mind attracts clutter as a magnet.


All the great motivation quotes 
and practices of mentors seem superficial
More than five decades old
Still figuring out the puzzle of daily life
One thing is irrefutable
outer battles are easy to win
inner ones demand a new solution each time
and set the mind on a fathomless roller coaster spin.
 




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