OVERACTIVE

 Till I was made aware, it never even stuck me that being on the move gives me immense pleasure, be it my exercises, my cooking, mu other household chores.

And so I struggle to plonk myself at one place or do activities which require my attention. It kind of makes me restless and I feel my attention span reducing minute by minute. No wonder my body pains have increased over time as  have really pushed them beyond their capacity. I do not listen  to my body, like right now, I feel fatigue in my legs and yet I walked for  15 minutes in the afternoon.

Another thing I observed like today afternoon, when I get too tired, I get bored easily. I watched three episodes of the programme, "The final table", yet I was feeling kind of guilty, because I did not iron clothes like yesterday and my body did not feel like doing. I fact I did not feel like blogging. But I wasn't feeling sleepy. I mentally did not feel like doing anything. 

Now this is the contradiction I have in my head, am I feeling lazy or have I pushed myself, or is it all right to do just lie like that and watch programme endlessly. I did not feel like reading a book or arranging cupboard. People say long lonely walks are a good time to reflect thoughts. But with my exercise in the morning, I am not able to do walks. Sitting idle doing nothing, I feel restless. 

So what should I do to relax? Let me start by writing down what I feel write now. I feel tired, yawny, and enjoying the outdoor air with soft Hindi music and my husband by my side , I feel nice. Am I thinking too hard how to relax?

I am jumping my thoughts. Why are my muscles in the feet aching? Am I over thinking about them? Why do I worry that if I post, I will be like an open book? Why do I need other's validation? Or why do I wait for another's validation? 

 How do I rate my day? Why do I think that I always have to keep doing something? Even when my mind is empty, I keep telling myself that I have done this and this till now or I imagine myself telling someone that my usual day is this.

Where did I get this habit? Is it the reason that I am constantly comparing myself with others, friends, cousins, parents, in-laws that I am also doing something. Is it the reason for my guilt, constantly bugging me? 

Is it the reason my mind struggles to be quiet? Let me try for tomorrow not to justify or even think and just go with the flow of the day. And why also I have this sudden fear or everything? Unnecessary fears, which never have turned out true in the past. I need to use diffusion technique more often. That's it for now, adios amigos....