Thea was keen in getting the act right, this time. She had not got perturbed when her domestic help stopped coming due to an emergency back home. The previous time, when it happened, she freaked out, as it wasn't a common occurrence in her life to do some chores by herself. In the past whenever it happened, it was for a brief time.
But entering the fourth week this time without domestic help, she felt she was slipping again. Frustration, anger, negativity had started setting their claim and she did not want to get back into that space. She loathes when she recollects those bitter moments of pain, domestic squabbles etc. So where is she going wrong again? Is it so difficult for her to set things right?
And would Thea be happy if things went back to normal again? Won't the emptiness kill her? Won't idle time bug her to do some work? So how does one figure that out? Sometimes she wonders if she is the only one feeling this way or are there others who feel too? And why the anger on the child who is here for a temporary time?
Does anger really ruin thoughts? In Thea case, she felt it was completely true. But on some topics, she is still not sure. She has very strong opinions on certain subjects. She cannot stop comparing her child to her childhood. Was she also like this? Or was she a helpful child to her parents? She can only now remember the compliments she received when she was at her parent's house. She always had an eager hand. That sometimes did land her in trouble, as she would rush to please others and in trying to do so would make more mistakes.
Where did Thea pick that habit? Why is there a constant urge in her to always please others? Does she not trust herself or find herself capable enough? Is Thea now digressing into another uncomfortable zone, in addition to finding at least a comfortable balance to manage through her life? Does she not know her idle time will again push her in comparing herself with others, which ends in her pushing herself more, rather than accepting.
In addition, why does Thea find it so difficult to manage her pains? Is she not aware that they are here to stay. Then why every time the pains pick up speed, she goes into a comfort binging which is again harmful for her. Why does she find it so hard to settle down at that moment, nothing can arrest her attention, neither the Sudoku, nor the novel, nor the cricket match on the television, which she actually had started enjoying off late. Neither can her mind command her body to sit still, which is what is the solution, or go take a pain killer. Why does she allow her mind to run untamed and let the mind control her so much? It has happened again and again. Or why, does she not remember that how much ever in pain, she has to keep physically moving. Thea has to spot the moment, any form of negativity tries to enter her mind and strongly shut the door on its face. That one step will give her hours of happiness.
Hopefully, she has learnt her lessons this time. Or does she want to suffer again and again... It's her choice for her better future.
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