WORDS

Oh! The power and pleasure of words
Many kingdoms fallen
Many hearts won

Consonants and vowels
Forming new alliances
Expressing different thoughts

Some words do not leave me
Some do not befriend me
All cajoling tricks in vain

Some words just edge themselves
On the tip of my tongue
Toying when to spill on my sheet

I get lost in this voyage
They play hide and seek
And time just flies by

The hunt for the apt word every time
Naked feelings frantic to be cloaked
Where will I get the right yarn to wrap all my thoughts?

THE WAIT

Did you not travel with the cool evening breeze to caress my cheek?
Did you not wink at me along with the humming stars and moon?
Did you not leave your footprints in the swaying green meadows for me to walk?
Did you not entwine hands with mine on sun-kissed beaches?
I try to feel you everywhere.

I lost count of the winters that passed by
The tiny sapling we planted now touches the sky
I search for you everywhere, but you decide to be your elusive self
I am no less obstinate, I wait for you at the bend where we last bid goodbye
The bend is still there and our song still plays.

TRANSITION

The fun to own each nanosecond
The freedom to ignore ringing phones
The bliss of not answering mails
The thrill to become obscured
The elation to detach from all
The longing to be insignificant
Is this the start of a new journey?

Innumerable friends, few memorable faces
Wonderful memories, endearing associations
Few agonizing moments and moist farewells
The highs and lows of each relation
But, I seem to have had my fill
My bruised heart and weary soul
Gasping for space amidst the choking muddle
Is it some deep pain yearning to heal?

Waking up with an unhurried pace
I now let the day sink into me slowly
Watching the sparrow pecking my front glass door
Catching the rays forcing through the curtain slit
My eyes seem in no rush to wander around
Noticing the intricate patterns on the amulet on the wall
Emoting the painted characters on the tiny Japanese fan
Does the day melt into night so impeccably?

I desire to live in the moment
And create my own world where everyone's trivial
The bliss of being in this self created nothingness
I choose whom to converse with and when
I expend energies on one task a time
My sine curve moods figuring how to even out
Isn’t my mind seeking some solace?

I no more despair handling this vacuum
Silence has many voices
Our moody vibes evolving a pattern
Vacuity overwhelming my senses
I spot a shape and turn around
It’s my own silhouette against the fading sunlight.


For the past couple of months, I perceive a need in me to distance myself from familiar ties. The urge is getting stronger day by day. I feel an inherent pull to withdraw from most relations. My time and energy suddenly seem so much precious to me and I do not feel obligated to share them.This wasn’t the case even a few months back. Having been a people’s person, I have always looked for ways to just step out of the house and explore avenues to meet people. Staying indoors was never my cup of tea. I used to pride in initiating conversations and maintaining friendships. Age, sex, status, looks were never an impediment. The enthusiasm to be amidst innumerable voices would goad me to stretch myself.

I find it very easy to smile. This natural instinct helped me break barriers and form friendships. This has been my way of life for many years. I found it hard to believe, that people found conversing and socialising a difficult art. Mobiles, mails and social net working sites seemed a blessing in disguise to me. All these connecting tools saved me from being marooned. An exhilaration set in me for linking me back to my contacts.To go that extra mile for someone would raise my spirits high. My ego would get the much desired boost. Some relationships did bruise me though. However, I swallowed my pride, since all that mattered was the joy in having them. Added to it, the toughest bit has been to say ‘No’ to friends. The thought of disagreeing with someone would emotionally wrench me and so I would go with the flow.

Thus this inner change comes as a surprise to me. These days I do not wish to step out of my cocoon. The very thought of meeting someone and indulging in small talk, all seem a waste. In fact, there’s a strong itch to keep away from certain people, whom I have been tolerating for long, for the simple reason of courtesy. I do not have any enthusiasm left when it comes to friendships. Investing in any sort of relationship seems an emotional drain. I have no idea what has brought these changes in me. But I feel so much at harmony with myself. I do not wish to offer justifications to anyone. I would like to keep myself away from anyone to whom I am accountable. Earlier, I used to dread handling loneliness. But now I started appreciating the value of tranquillity. All the inner turbulence is springing to the surface and is getting released out. Mind is more clutter-free and has fewer thoughts to brood about. Solitude is so blissful. I am discovering a part of me that had got lost in the chaos of life.

MY PATCH OF GREEN

Roads fenced with stretches of foliage
Nature wrapped in a sheet of green
Rafflesias, orchids and towering palm trees
Whispering brooks in tropical rain forests
The sheer beauty of tropical rains
Sprinkling drops on rambutans and durians
A healing caress to every mind and soul
The black hornbill flapping its wings
The lazy iguana crossing the road
Fisherman setting out for the shrimping catch
With families stretched on picnic mats
The enthusiastic golfers with caddies in tow
Flinging lumps of green with every blow
The river awaits its turn each morning
For offshore guys in colourful overalls
The office goers drive with their fog lights
On roads obscured by forest fire haze
The South China Sea spilling on road
Warning the dwellers to stay indoors

A desire to soak in this landscape forever
But each day a harsh reminder
Of cherished images fading into a distant horizon.



My husband informed that he got a better opportunity in Middle East and we would be moving in few months. The new place does not have a single natural water body and is a complete desert. The thought of leaving always saddens me, but I had never imagined in the wildest of dreams that there would come a time in my life when simple pleasures of life such as the touch of green grass, sight of cascading rainfall or smell of beautiful flowers would seem a luxury.

I have tried to express these feelings in the poem.

FREE BIRD

Euphoria of entering a new phase of my life
Finding the pleasures of being alone
Lazing on the bed the whole day
Basking in the sunlight shadowing the walls
An innate happiness of soaking in the silence
And breaching the rhythm at my will.

Enthusiastic to explore the unknown roads
Excited to watch the late night shows
Thrilled to ride at breakneck speed
And getting drenched in sudden downpours.

Delighted in the power to commit mistakes
And feeling exhilarated for not being observed
Discovering a joy in conversing with myself
And enjoying the resonance of my voice
Reinventing myself each day
And falling in love with my own self.

I felt elated when I moved to Hyderabad to do M.Phil. I rented an apartment close to the institute. This poem is a firsthand account of my feelings as a girl, when I first tasted freedom. Prior to that, I had never lived alone.

BEAUTIFUL

I spot her from a distance

Shriveled skin, crouched gait
Silver mop, bow legs
Short stature, tiny frame
Who is this stranger on the road ?

Old clothes, her only pair
Scorching sun, her constant friend
A rattan basket, her permanent sack
Why do we cross paths ?

Blistered feet, cracked soles
Stretched ear-lobes, wrinkled nose
Stooped neck, skeletal arms
What a fragile sight ?

I come closer
She gives a toothless smile
A smile so warm and  genuine
She is so beautiful !


People in this part of the globe, usually commute by cars and walkers generally restrict themselves to beaches and parks. But being a lazy soul, I prefer walking in my neighbourhood on the main road. My only companions are the speeding cars.

So I found it quite unusual, when I once saw an old lady walking on the road I use. She appeared very poor. Her slippers were worn out and resembled a crescent moon at the back. Her basket was heavy, but she stubbornly refused any help from couple of  four wheel drivers who stopped by to offer a lift. When our eyes met, her sagging mouth opened up for a wide grin. I felt so happy. She initiated the smile. My instant reaction was to embrace her, but my inhibition stopped me. Many people have smiled at me before, but she had such a loving smile for a stranger. She seemed to me the most beautiful person I have ever come across. Her smile lingered on my face for a long time even after I crossed her. It was a precious moment for me. I have seen her walking couple times after that and every time she smiles, I find it infectious.

I am trying to capture that moment through a poem.

Rules are meant to be broken

A typical day at my parent's house would begin with every one rising early in the morning. This practice was followed even during holidays and weekends. I do not remember ever having woken up after six, till I got married. Seated around the dining table, sipping  cups of filter coffee, my parents would wait for us with mugs of  hot Bournvita. The underlying rule was everyone had to shower  before heading for the dining table. We all then would merrily chat and drink together. My mum would then proceed to do her pooja while my dad organised breakfast for all of us. He loves to cook. He would prepare chutney, curry or any other accompaniment depending on the breakfast and wait for mum. In the meanwhile  we would tidy up the house. After her pooja, we  all would have our breakfast together.

Dad used to leave house at eight and come back at twelve for lunch. We would while our time playing with our friends or helping mum in the kitchen or reading a book during school holidays. Since ours was a small town and communication wasn't so good in those days, newspaper used to arrive around lunch time.  Dad would have lunch, read the paper and leave for office, only to be seen again at six in the evening. All meals were eaten together. We would play board games in the afternoon. Mum would retire to her room for her  siesta. Sometimes even she would join us in playing  some games. One of us took turns in preparing the evening tea. She would then cook dinner and all of us would  eagerly wait for Dad to come in the evening.

Evenings were my favourite part of the day during holidays. We had a huge terrace and all of us would sit there watching the moon or gazing at the stars, listening to melodious Hindi songs on Vividh Bharathi and Binaca geethmala. We chit-chatted and had so much fun sharing events of the day. Every task involved collective effort.   If we too sisters were ever seen gossiping with my mum working alone, my dad would immediately remind us to help her. It seemed  like we were all linked by an perennial  thread of warmth amongst us. We two children basked in their warmth. However all the warmth came along with some discipline. Ground rules were made very clear. Being girls we were never supposed to be seen without bindi, bangles, anklets and a chain. The official permitted language at home was only Telugu. Sleeveless dresses, short skirts, unplaited hair, lipsticks, nail polishes and boys were an absolute no - no.

Having grown in such an atmosphere, I presumed most middle class families fell in the same pattern. However life had surprises in store.  I got married into a family full of boys.  My husband did not have even a single female cousin on either side. He had two younger brothers.  Being based in Vizag, many of his cousins would come visiting and it would only add to the male head count. I never had seen so many boys under one roof. I felt my privacy was being invaded.

Marriage literally turned my world upside down. Rising up early, bathing, looking prim and proper were alien terminologies for these  boys. Brushing was done minutes before breakfast and bathing couple of minutes before lunch. Newspaper occupied the central role and the sports supplement was the most sought after. After  waking up late, everyone would just settle on sofas grabbing  to devour each letter in the newspaper as if appearing for an exam. Magazines were a substitute if  newspaper came late. No one was questioned about anything. My mother-in-law was so happy pampering the boys and even me. She had many servants and kept herself occupied with them.  There was nothing to do and I found it difficult to digest this new found emptiness. The most complicated bit was no one talked much. They talked only when they needed something, like a second cup of coffee. The only other time their voices could be heard was when they discussed cricket, politics and bikes. I wondered how these guys could go on speaking on such mundane topics and get excited about it. They bonded so much over cricket. Even old five day matches were watched with undying interest.

It was a totally different world for me. I felt so lonely in the midst of  everyone. I missed my home, my folks, the caring and sharing. I was dying to talk. Even my husband was such a quiet person then. I sometimes felt like conducting a class on spoken skills to everyone. But I did not voice my opinion. It took me  quite some time to adjust to this new pattern in my life.

Slowly time brought a change in my perception.

Though I initially resented absence of any discipline, I started liking it over a period of time. I realised that heaven does not fall apart if I get up or shower late. I also discovered that it is not a crime to talk to boys.  Leaving my hair open and walking around without any jewellery is absolutely fine. It took me a long time to alter my opinions on all these matters.
Both families got connected with each other over marriage but are two complete opposites. Each of them adapted values what they thought was right for their kids.  Today, I still juggle between these two worlds. But, I have learnt and am still learning some valuable lessons of life. The most crucial lessons being,  never look at life with any pre-conceived notion and there is nothing right or wrong in this world. The essence of life lies in being  happy in whatever each of us do.