TRANSITION

The fun to own each nanosecond
The freedom to ignore ringing phones
The bliss of not answering mails
The thrill to become obscured
The elation to detach from all
The longing to be insignificant
Is this the start of a new journey?

Innumerable friends, few memorable faces
Wonderful memories, endearing associations
Few agonizing moments and moist farewells
The highs and lows of each relation
But, I seem to have had my fill
My bruised heart and weary soul
Gasping for space amidst the choking muddle
Is it some deep pain yearning to heal?

Waking up with an unhurried pace
I now let the day sink into me slowly
Watching the sparrow pecking my front glass door
Catching the rays forcing through the curtain slit
My eyes seem in no rush to wander around
Noticing the intricate patterns on the amulet on the wall
Emoting the painted characters on the tiny Japanese fan
Does the day melt into night so impeccably?

I desire to live in the moment
And create my own world where everyone's trivial
The bliss of being in this self created nothingness
I choose whom to converse with and when
I expend energies on one task a time
My sine curve moods figuring how to even out
Isn’t my mind seeking some solace?

I no more despair handling this vacuum
Silence has many voices
Our moody vibes evolving a pattern
Vacuity overwhelming my senses
I spot a shape and turn around
It’s my own silhouette against the fading sunlight.


For the past couple of months, I perceive a need in me to distance myself from familiar ties. The urge is getting stronger day by day. I feel an inherent pull to withdraw from most relations. My time and energy suddenly seem so much precious to me and I do not feel obligated to share them.This wasn’t the case even a few months back. Having been a people’s person, I have always looked for ways to just step out of the house and explore avenues to meet people. Staying indoors was never my cup of tea. I used to pride in initiating conversations and maintaining friendships. Age, sex, status, looks were never an impediment. The enthusiasm to be amidst innumerable voices would goad me to stretch myself.

I find it very easy to smile. This natural instinct helped me break barriers and form friendships. This has been my way of life for many years. I found it hard to believe, that people found conversing and socialising a difficult art. Mobiles, mails and social net working sites seemed a blessing in disguise to me. All these connecting tools saved me from being marooned. An exhilaration set in me for linking me back to my contacts.To go that extra mile for someone would raise my spirits high. My ego would get the much desired boost. Some relationships did bruise me though. However, I swallowed my pride, since all that mattered was the joy in having them. Added to it, the toughest bit has been to say ‘No’ to friends. The thought of disagreeing with someone would emotionally wrench me and so I would go with the flow.

Thus this inner change comes as a surprise to me. These days I do not wish to step out of my cocoon. The very thought of meeting someone and indulging in small talk, all seem a waste. In fact, there’s a strong itch to keep away from certain people, whom I have been tolerating for long, for the simple reason of courtesy. I do not have any enthusiasm left when it comes to friendships. Investing in any sort of relationship seems an emotional drain. I have no idea what has brought these changes in me. But I feel so much at harmony with myself. I do not wish to offer justifications to anyone. I would like to keep myself away from anyone to whom I am accountable. Earlier, I used to dread handling loneliness. But now I started appreciating the value of tranquillity. All the inner turbulence is springing to the surface and is getting released out. Mind is more clutter-free and has fewer thoughts to brood about. Solitude is so blissful. I am discovering a part of me that had got lost in the chaos of life.